21 Day Breakfast Trial

Today is my 15th day on my first 21 Day Fix.  I am not yet doing the OFFICIAL 21 Day Fix.  I am doing my cobbled together one.

I have learned that variety for breakfast isn't for me.  I just prefer my oatmeal and eggs.  My kids, on the other hand, crave variety each day.  So I usually make them something and me another thing.

Last week (I think last Wednesday) I woke up late, no one ate a good breakfast and we all paid for it the whole day long.  I also bought steel cut oats instead of my trusty Old Fashioned so I needed to figure out how to use them up.

Enter  - Overnight Oats 21 Day Style

A quick Google Search got me this recipe so I have 3 flavors in the fridge - blueberry, strawberry and banana.

Hope I have nummy things to report in the morning!!!

Day #7

Hello and Happy Monday!!!

Today is my Day #7 doing my cobbled together 21 day fix.  I am a bit down because my notebook with my goals, recipes and measurements has disappeared.  Hopefully it turns up because I have needed it daily to reference!!

So, what have I learned?  Quite a bit and not even the things I would have expected!!!

1. pictures are powerful!  I took a risk and took a few before pics and posted them in the Secret FB Accountability Group I am in.  That was hard.  I mean H-A-R-D.  I don't know these people.  Pics last forever.  I am  half naked and man I don't like what I see.  All of that created some crazy strong motivation and true accountability.  I can't imagine posting my weekly numbers and having to confess I GAINED!!
2. any plan on paper is WONDERFUL but will not happen exactly and that is ok.  My plan went out the window for numerous things - family in town, no time to prep/grocery shop, i didn't like the recipes or they didn't make me feel full, and much more,  BUT I had the plan to reference to change on the spur of the moment!!
3. Our fearless leader & accountability coach, Courtney, wrote a post on the 4th saying something along the lines of "be realistic.  this is a holiday and a HUGE one for food and friends and family.  Enjoy it.  Take part.  Just eat better than you did last year.  Don't beat yourself up for the holiday and don't make yourself miserable.  Just make wiser choices than last year."  Guess what!!!  I REALLY DID!!!  With those words rolling around in my head all day, I really made better choices and I really didn't feel guilty!!!
4. My tastebuds hate Stevia.  *sigh*
5. I had a 5 day headache.  I have no idea why.  I don't usually get headaches but I got on every day for the first 5 days.  the last 2 days I haven't had one and am thankful.  I still don't know why it arrived and I don't know why it left.  I am thankful it left though.

And now for what we have all been waiting for - the numbers.  Sadly I don't have them next to each other as I can't find my notebook but here is my photo from todays measurements. 

so I lost 3.3 lbs and 3" in my first week.  My goal is 6-10 lbs in the 21 days so I am well on the way!  Today is day 1 of the next 7.  Must keep focused!!!

Is it really too much to ask?

I have heard the stats, read the memes and experienced it myself - most people are "listening" to form their next response.  It is spit out as a negative and proof of how horrible humans are and our world is.

I do my best to not be that way because we are all supposed to be nice and share.  I love friends and hearing about their lives and I don't want them to stop speaking to me about their stuff.

BUT I would KILL to have a full conversation right now.  A full conversation around me, the questions I have in MY life and which I am struggling with, working through and need feedback on.

I would KILL for an actual conversation - the give and the take.  Someone else engaged in it and on the same level.  Listening, thinking, sharing and learning.

I would KILL for an uninterrupted conversation.  No kids.  No fights.  No work calls.  No screens stealing away the attention.  No interruptions. No chores. No self imposed time limits.  No closing time.

I would KILL for the release from guilt at wanting this conversation.  To feel that I can desire this without analyzing if I am a narcissist or sociopath in the making.

I would KILL for what is important to me to become important to someone else for a few hours in time.  A fraction of a lifetime.  For the person who is speaking and listening to let go of their goals and agenda to listen and question and converse.

Today I keep pondering if this is even possible.  I wonder what kind of life has the time and genuine relationships in it in order to have this happen.  I dream of it and then have a hope that I can create it.

But I don't want to wait for something I need to create.  I really just need this now.  Today.  Is that really too much to ask?

Always an Almost

Have you ever felt shackled?  That feeling that no matter how you try or wiggle or move or think or wish or dream or want,  you will never break free?

The overwhelming helplessness of desperate want for the chain not to be there but the heavy reality of "knowing" it always will.

Overhelmed.
Helpless.
Desperate.
Chained.
Disappointed.
Scared.

I know I am not the only one.  We all have them/it, they are just dressed differently.

I have spent most of my life feeling shackled.

As a child it was being shackled to the secrets of being molested, having a father in jail and never feeling like I fit in.

In my teens it came with dating someone who insisted we stay a secret and I agreed in desperation as he went to events with other girls and didn't claim me as his girlfriend and thinking that if I could lose "just 5 more pounds" I would be worthy.

In college I was shackled by an obsessive relationship which I couldn't shake and kept being sucked into as I sobbed and cried from the deepest part of my soul.

In more recent life it has been lack of family relationships, feeling unable to make friends and living life alone, a constant feeling of losing faith, not belonging and so much more.

There are so many reasons and EVENTS and people I have allowed to chain me.  They all carried the same message - You are not good enough.  You are less than.  You are always an almost.

For over 20 years there is one thing which has continued to shackle me & make me feel less than, as though nothing I do is good enough and I am not worth as much because I didn't have it.

I have chased, gone into debt, cried, wondered, planned, asked others and tried over and over again but still this chain is continually there.

I am chained by my most widely known "dirty little secret" and internally I feel its weight daily.

I do not have a degree.  I do not have a college degree.  I am not papered.  I have tried.  I have wasted Tens of Thousands of dollars and countless hours but I do not have a degree.

This means that when my heart calls and tells me I need to help in a natural disaster situation, I can not - I am not degreed.  When I imagine my dream job the dreams can not fly because they require a degree.  I can not apply for jobs which I have experience and natural ability to excel in because I have not obtained the piece of paper required for an initial interview.

I have traveled to many countries. I have met many people.  I have been in many amazing/scary/difficult situations.  I have created great things.   I have experienced intense failures - personally, professionally and otherwise.  I have accomplished many things. I have learned from many gifted leaders. I have so many awesome ideas.  I live a great life.

But they mean nothing and I am filled with fears because - I do not have a degree.

I fear Byron dying for I will need to support my children without a degree.  Yes, we have life insurance and are well planned for, but life will continue and I will need to provide.

I fear getting older.  The luxury of time is passing as my children grow older, my peers build experience and resumes, and my world continues to surge forward.

I fear never being able to fill the many roles I believe I was made to do.

I fear...  They are not all rational fears.  They are not all fears which are relate-able to those who haven't lived my life.  But they are there and they chain me.

In the last few days I have been working, researching, planning for a new path.  One which doesn't include debt, college degrees or accomplishing my unattainable grail.  One which makes me have the tickles in the pit of my tummy, makes me think I don't need all the sleep I desire and which has already opened a few new, interesting, and scary paths.

All these years I thought a College Degree would be THE key to freeing me from these chains of inadequacy, inability, and fear.

I believe I am on the brink of breaking free.

The Day #1 which Never Was

Today was the day.  I have spent hours making the Vegetarian Meal Plan.  I have run it past the hubby and it was agreed on.  I ordered my things. I previewed the PiYo video.  I geared up and thought today was the day.  Monday.  Day #1.

But as the day progressed, I realized this was not the Day 1 I thought it was going to be.  My expectations were changed.

So, today WAS NOT Day #1 of my 21 Day Fix instead it WAS the Day #1 of my cleaned out Fridge and Freezer.  Out with my foods which I love but are WAAAAYYYY over processed or have HFCS or other things which were in need of rehoming.

I am anxiously awaiting my shipment of shake and containers (see this post for info).

In the mean time we are going to eat up the foods which are in our house but which we won't have on our 3 week change.  Blocks upon blocks of cheese, fake chicken strips and such will be consumed this week.

I will continue the purge in our cupboards and pantry shelves.

The new plan is to start NEXT Monday if all my orders have arrived.

Day #1 of 21 Day Fix - Veggie Version

Well today came.  Day #1.

Just a quick post sharing that I need to find a few answers as i continue on this.

FIRST - Coffee.  Is it allowed?  Can i have anything in it?  What is allowed and in which measurements?

SECOND - in the oatmeal - can i add ANYTHING????  honey? Molasses? Maple Syrup???

I dont have my containers yet, so i Pinterested the measurements and went with those.

Inspite of no coffee and no sweetner in my oatmeal, the morning has gone quite well.

Measured my fav water cup so i know it is 16 oz.  So i need 16 oz TIMES two before 9 am then again at noon, again at 3 and again at 6.  More if/when there is exercise.

21-Day Fix??? Ish??? Vegetarian Running with Piyo does that count???

So, something has gotta give and end of July begins Fall Half Marathon Training.  2 Half Marathons & a 4 miler are on schedule for the fall and I think 2 HMs are already booked for the first few months of 2016. Time to get a wiggle on.

In the weeks since RnR Nashville (my first half) I have realized I need much  more flexibility and strength, so I purchased PiYo from Liz, my girlfriend who kicked off my running journey.  In my free time, I have been watching the DVDs to see if it was what I needed and I think I guessed correctly.

I then turned my attention to nutrition.  I need to lose weight.  This isn't a vanity need this is a health and life need.  I am on Metformin for Insulin Resistance and PCOS.  I am a born and raised Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian.  I am married to a Chemical Engineer in the food processing industry.

Yeah - I have complications in the Nutrition World.

So, I determined that I will follow a PiYo PLUS Half Marathon Plan I found at Weigh to Maintain.  I start this on Monday and plan to continue it until my Fleet Feet training begins at the end of July.

I then decided that going it alone and attempting to figure out a Vegetarian Meal Plan for exercising and losing weight was just not working for me.  I have attempted for at least 20 years and am still trying.  I think it is time for a change, don't  you???

So, I looked at the 21 Day Fix plan through my girlfriend, Kristine.     As I read and messaged Kristine, I realized that while I eat healthy foods and I weigh them and log them in MFP, it just isn't working for me.  Color coding and sizes are my next attempt.

I figure I never transitioned to being a digital planner gal, so maybe attempting another way of learning healthy limits (besides counting and weighting) might be for me.

BUT - I really didn't want to do Shakeology.  There are a few reasons:  1.  the price.  I just can't sustain that long term.  2.  the carbs - due to the Insulin Resistance I have I need to keep my carbs in certain ranges per my Endocrinologist.  I don't want to use 17+ carbs per shake wasn't where I wanted to spend my carbs.

So, this first 21 days I am going to use shakes from 310 Shakes.  I haven't tasted them but the low carbs and the price were why I went with them.  I was introduced to the 310 Shakes from The Diet Shake Reviews website.

I already use plain whey protein isolate for a shake each morning so I am excited for flavors (I ordered Chocolate and Vanilla) and for the chance to taste something different.

After settling on a shake plan and knowing I wanted to use the format for 21 Day Fix, I googled a calculator for calories on the 21 Day Fix and used this one to determine I am Level 4 or 2100-2300 calories.  This is important so you can plan everything needed for eating each day.   Here is a screenshot for my calculation.  I am allocated more calories than 2300 but for the purposes of 21 Day Fix, you round down to 2300.

This means we get 6 Green, 4 Purple, 6 Red, 4 Yellow, 1 Blue, 1 Orange and 6 teaspoons.  I headed over to Amazon and picked up these Beach Body Containers.  

I also got a set of these Divided Food Containers to pack lunches in.

Now for the plan.  My plan is Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian and this week relies heavily on recipes from the Potentially Lovely Blog.  Here is what we have for our first week:

 I say "we" because for the first time since we have been married my hubby has agreed to join me in a meal plan.  I offered to pack his lunches since he has new hours at work.  Hopefully this will be a plan which will fill him up and not leave him starving.

As I said before, I am a Paper Planner Type, so I have a composition Book I have been cutting and pasting in and writing in with markers and taping up with Washi.  I feel very prepared and ready to embark on the first week of the next 3.

And there it is!

Exercise is Piyo/Half Marathon Training
Learned what the plan allows and doesn't allow
Lacto Ovo Meal Plan Week #1 is created
Ordered BeachBody containers and divided containers
Ordered shakes
Tomorrow I finish up grocery shopping and will prep everything.

Since price was something I had concern about in just using the Shakeology 21 Day Fix program, here is a breakdown of my costs so far.

The Pursuit of Health is Exhausting

It has been a year since I started running.  12 months.  For 10 of those months I didn't lose any weight.  Not one single ounce.  I changed eating habits, drank more water and spent hours running each week.

I gained friends, confidence, ability and endurance.  I lost... nothing.  Same weight.  Each time I weighed in I was 266 lbs.  Nothing moved.  Nothing changed.  My clothes didn't fit better.  My tummy wasn't flatter.  Nothing.

I was pretty frustrated.  Then the Thursday before the first Half Marathon of my life, I was told by the Urgent Care Dr that I wouldn't be running.  I thought he was joking but He wasn't.  I sat that one out.  Cheering from the sidelines.

That was in October.  I was sidelined due to breathing/oxygen issues.  This continued for a few more months and 3 more visits.  He then referred me to an Allergy/Asthma Specialist.  I was still not running.

In the meantime I had a free evaluation at a local clinic.  They offered BMI and blood pressure and a quick blood sugar test.  I just wanted my BMI numbers.  I got a bit of a scare.  The Blood Sugar numbers were VERY HIGH.

So, I came back in a few days for fasting blood work.  That was a bit disappointing as well so I found myself in the office of an Endocrinologist for the first time in my life.

He prescribed a new diet and then warned me that my numbers needed attention so when he saw me in January he fully expects I will be on at least 2 medicines.

Christmas happened.  It was so fun.  I love spending time with family.

I stuck to a very strict version of the diet he prescribed.  I lost 12 lbs.  I now weigh in at 254 consistently.  Still not running and no exercise as prescribed due to my cortisol numbers.

But the weight moved.  It budged. I was so happy!  Then it stalled and that is where I am for the past 6 weeks.  No idea why it moved for those first few weeks but thankful it did.

Meanwhile I met with the Allergist/Asthma Specialist this past Tuesday.  After tests it is shown that I am not allergic to anything but have Infection Induced Asthma.  The solution to this is 2 seperate inhalers twice a day each, nose spray twice a day and an acid reducing medicine.  This whole handful of medicines is costing me over $300/month.  Yes, that is with insurance.  I can't afford the stress of thinking about that so I don't.  I just take the meds which are in front of me and see where this all leads.

EXCEPT - I need to have a few handfuls of tests this week.  One is for Cushing's Syndrome/Disease.  No one warned me that one of my inhalers would conflict with this test.

I am guessing there is no way for individual drs to know what they are prescribing/ordering. I found out about this conflict due to doing some Dr. Googling and reading that this particular test is testing for steroid something or another.  Knowing that my inhaler was a type of steroid I called Walgreens, then the Endocrinologists office.

The answer is to stop all meds except the acid reducer.  Yesterday I couldn't get the answer to "how long to stop before testing." Today I was supposed to begin one of the tests.  This morning I get the answer that we need 7 days off the other meds.  SEVEN DAYS off the meds which allow me to breathe and which allow my chest to stop burning.  SEVEN DAYS *Sigh*

So, now my Endo Appt is in February.  I need to reschedule my tests for next week and yesterday was day one without breathing support.

I am exhausted.  Not just physically but internally.

Breathing is a MUST.

Knowing if I am Diabetic or have Cushings or whatever is a MUST.

Protecting my Kidneys (which are compromised) is a MUST.

I live in one body.  I don't have unlimited financial or childcare or other resources.

I am thankful for what I do have.  I am thankful that nothing we are pursuing will kill me in the next few weeks.  I am thankful for so many things.

BUT, I am tired and don't have much patience.

I want answers.  I want my body to work correctly.  I want to be healthy - me and a couple million other people at any given moment.

So, I wait.  Maybe a few more pounds will fall off.  Maybe the Acid Reducer will keep helping and the lungs won't hurt so much.  Maybe I will get rest and energy.

Exhausted = Me